Ahmad Fadli KC : 12.2009 : Deep Identity Change in 2009 (Uncategorized)

2009 has a few more days to go. I am happy that it is two more days to go. Not because I am looking forward to 2010. In two more days, I will be getting the monthly paypacket. Plus some bonus God willing.

How was your 2009? Was it a great year? Mine, I have a mixed feeling about my 2009. But so far, it has been the greatest year in my life.

I could never ask for any other year . The biggest lesson of the year is I live my life on my own terms now.

And I dare to say this is the gospel truth I have been religiously clinging on to for the past 6 months.

So how does one live his or her life on his or her own terms? (it is very space consuming to be politically correct)

Clarity. You must be clear on what your own terms are and be sure that your own terms are not actually what has been popularised by the majority. I started with dating and friendship. I asked myself what do I want in a girl, I sat down and I wrote down those qualities.

When I was clear with the qualities I want in a girl, I started to notice that those who do not fulfill the qualities will not match with me. In other words, no chemistry.

Some of you might notice that I talk about liking girls with nice skin. And on top of that, I also fancy girls who are authentic with their true selves. And that was how I got to admire Paris Hilton :-)

On another note, I still remember at one of my Toastmaster meeting, the topic was what kind of leader do you like. During table topic session, one of the speakers stated that he likes a charismatic leader. Came my turn, I pointed out that I prefer an authentic person/leader to a charismatic person/leader.

At that time, it dawned upon me that because I prefer an authentic person, I have been trying to mould myself to become an authentic person for the past 6 months. Strange enough, at one time I was so obsessed with what makes up a charismatic person and yet now I don’t even want to become a charismatic person!

So why authentic, not charismatic? It is all about clarity. People see me for who I am. I don’t give out mixed messages. If a particular person thinks I am somebody they would like to know better, they will come to me and get to know me better. And a friendship is formed.

A charismatic person is likable by a lot of people. Which means he has the approval of a lot of people. And having this continuous supply of approval could be detrimental to one’s mental health.

At first, being likable is just a bonus. But when you continue to be fed by that likeability, it might slowly become an integrated part of yourself.

And then you start to be too attached to it. Without other people’s approval, you have no life. The very first thing that makes you feel good about yourself is now eating you up.

Because of this, I strive to be a more authentic person. The good thing is I tend to attract authentic persons around me as well. It is easier to be around these people.

I am still on this journey of becoming authentic, truthful to myself. And I am inviting you to jump over this bandwagon with me.

So there goes a peek into deep identity change that I went through in 2009.

Looking forward to year 2010 and Happy New Year.