Ahmad Fadli KC : 06.2009 : The Problem With Intelligent Guys (Uncategorized)

Last time I used to have a lot of friends in the sales line. Mostly those in the financial products line. This has resulted in me taking an interest in sales literature. I read Bryan Tracy’s books, Todd Duncan’s books and a few other books.

One rather ironic observation I realised is that of all the salesman that I know, the ones doing very well with their job doing sales are not the ones who are most witty. Some of them don’t even speak  good Queen English. And some of them even speak Cina Bukit Malay mind you.

So what makes them good in their job? IMHO, they are able to relate to their prospect. They have great empathy skills. And even do the prospects know that these guy earn their living on comission, the prospect willingly give them the trust and hand them over a portion of the prospects’ money every single month.

What about my other friends who are witty and can talk very well? Hmm, most of them become academicians and entertain students in the lecture hall. And that’s about it.

The same observation is found in the dating world. Most of my friends who are very witty, highly eloquent and talk about Versailles Treaty and Obama’s stimulus package during mamak session mind you are in fact single !

Weird ! Why is that so ? They are intelligent. And intelligence is one of the qualities that girls look for in a man.

The answer is very simple. These friends of mine (they are great friends though) are inteligent but it stops there.

They are not able to connect with the girls that they date. And therefore a typical first date for them is something like “I-think-you-are-an-intelligent-guy-and-I-enjoy-going-out-with-you” uttered by the girl at the end of the date.

And the second date is also something like “I-think-you-are-an-intelligent-guy-and-I-enjoy-going-out-with-you” uttered by the girl at the end of the date.

And so is the third date and the fourth date. And the next date. And by the sixth date, the girl is on a date with some other guys.

So what is missing?  Try to guess……..Yes,you are right !  It is CONNECTION !

These intelligent guys are not able to connect with the girls. And what can be done to rectify this ?

The answer is……

A shift in focus. Period.

The intelligent single guys and all the not-so-succesful salesperson should know when to have an outward focus and when to have an inward focus in their interaction.

The best thing to do is to initially have an inward focus and then switch that to an outward focus.


For the intelligent guys he should be trying to display his best quality at the beginning of the first date. And so the focus should be inward. To himself. This is when he should be funny, intelligent, and interesting to the girl. This is also when he will come across as somebody who is able to tell interesting stories.

And then, when the girl is interested, the focus of the interaction should be outward. The girl herself. He should get to know more about the girls , her good qualities, and her quirks and idiosynchrocies 🙂

This is the connection part.

As for the salesman, initially he should be able to give a captivating sales presentation to the prospect. This is the inward focus part. He should be able to come across genuine and sincere and convincing.

The second part should have an outward focus. He should gauge the prospect needs and customise his closing approach based on the prospect’s needs and buying strategy.


Another funny thing I notice is that when it comes to dating the intelligent guys tend to overlook the details and overanalyse small things.

Just imagine, I was telling an intelligent friend of mine that a guy should strive to let loose and have fun during dates.

The next thing he said was asking me ” How do we define “fun”? ”

C’mon, we don’t have to define fun. If both of you are laughing once in a while during a date, you are both having fun. Simple as that.

As for me, it took me four fucking years to get a girlfriend when I first started out studying dating and attraction and having a self image of an intelligent guy.

After doing away with that self -image of intelligent guy, I am now a liberated person and I am liberated to have a new girlfriend every three months 🙂